As for gridless vs grid: if the DM and players can communicate well enough, then the grid isn't necessary in 4e. All one must do is multiply a given number of squares (say 4 squares) by 5, call it "feet" instead of squares, and you are all of a sudden playing 3.xx combat with different power names and more character balance. Granted, 4e combat rules were basically made for grids, but it doesn't mean you must play with a grid if that is the deal-breaker. I've played plenty of both systems, and 3.xx could get complicated if some players and/or the DM had a different imaginary vision of the battle. The more complicated it got, the harder it was to follow in one's head, making a mapping tool of some sort very handy, at the very least. 4e just cut the crap and based combat around it, which weirds out some people, apparently.
In any case, character conversations and non-combat activity are handled the same either way: the players and DM act like their characters communicating, and describe picking up something, and the game rolls on. The DM might insert "roll Stealth" rather than "roll Move Silently and also roll Hide" when the player wants to move unnoticed, but rules-junkies like the overly detailed specific rules of 3.5 for that, and that's fine. If you want to play a character, it can be done in any system. It then comes down to whether you want actions to be simple and more balanced or detailed and more complicated with dice needed as to which system you choose.
The books only explain rolling dice for actions and combats; playing your character is up to you whether you play 3.xx, 4e, GURPS, WoD, or whatever. So find a game, check it out, then pick the system based on what appeals to your rolling style and based on who you find playing what so that you can play the game and have fun (you don't want to pick a system only to play with losers like me....)
Hope that helps. And, regarding bit torrents, that should be off-the-radar, I'd think, for legal reasons and/or simple tact. Just because we know about bad things doesn't mean we can talk about them like we are participants. Besides, the hard books are better to have either way.