Randy Richards' 2008 New Year resolutions:

--Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
--My digital camera's New Year resolution:  3254 x 2448
--Exercise less. All work and no play can make you a dull boy.
--Remember to replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
--Spend less than 14 hours a day on the Internet.
--Check my pants for stray toilet paper when leaving the restroom.
--Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
--Stop sending Instant Messages while on the phone with the same person.
--Try to figure out why I really need 12 e-mail addresses.
--Play more computer games. Scientists say they're good for you, and improve your visual skills.
--Next time I see a UFO, don't tell anybody about it.
--My HDTV's New Year's resolution: 1920 x 1080 progressive
--Stop buying useless gadgets, like my DVD Rewinder.
--Stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical, since my friends overseas already have time to answer me by then.
--Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you.
--Play less D&D. Enter a 1d12 Step Program.
--Henceforth, without procrastination and due punctiliousness, I will stop pontificating with superfluous semantics just to show off my interest in philology and vocabulary.
--Watch more TV. It's very entertaining and educational.
--Eat more nice things, like candy, Big Macs and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy.
--Back up my 250 GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly... or at least once a year.
--Remove glass from TV screen, crawl through into Star Trek.
--Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking, to help keep tobacco workers employed.
--Learn what the heck "resolution" means.